February 2012
61 posts
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What the fuck does healing feel like anyway.
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Every time I talk to someone who knew me when I was young,
I get that feeling I’ve missed for so long. I feel like a child when I talk to them.
I feel how I felt a long long time ago when everything was still exciting,
and when I breathed the air was satisfying and I wasn’t left gasping
and my nerves sensed everything.
I feel light and full of interest for all things
like I could...
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I don't know what the fuck I believe in anymore
I so sincerely wish there was an ‘off’ switch to my memory
a way to wipe my mind clean and blank
I’d rather be stupid than feel this scraping in my wounds
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And we coast
and it all dips
and the colors get duller
and my tears come quicker
and the same four walls look drab
and the same vessel is heavy and broken
and these same pills and cigarettes don’t help anymore
nothing does
my head is sick again
I can laugh and smile and feel things but it isn’t the same
I am sick again
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I must learn how to fix myself.
Anonymous asked: I followed you a long time ago before you deleted your other blog. I'm really glad you're back and that you took a break from all the politics and bullshit and focused on yourself. I worried about you but I was really happy when I saw your face again. Love from a trying-not-to-be-creepy stranger.
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My boy is perfect.
I don’t think I’ll ever want anyone else. He is so so so perfect.
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I'm so happy about everything.
I’m thankful for what I have.
And who I have.
And who I am.
And for what my future holds.
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